Sunday, December 03, 2006

part of where im going, is knowing where im coming from.

just a quick post.
im heading out right now
well, not right now cause i gotta bathe..
but yeah,
cause naddy is bugging me to head out.
rubbish woman(:



im truely happy for the longest time(:
thank you.


so like im uberly tired and drained.
vonn and me had a long talk ytd after work.
and like my cousin came down to find me.
so i had alot of meaningful convrsations ytd((:
i learned things about my family.
and OTHER things. haha.

came home from church and like knocked out.
now i better go bathe before naddy starts making noise.
hahaha. shes such a nag know really.
lols.

okayy change of plans,
im not going already! haha!

if someone had told me
three weeks back
that i'd be this happy now.
i'd have told them
they were madd.

rarrs. being rushed to my grands now(:
dinner! curry chickennnnn
grandma's the mostest awesome woman
in this entire world.
well, her and mom(:







we've gotta long way to go..
and i aint in a rush to anywhere.



im seconds away. 5:30:00 PM


Friday, December 01, 2006

im glad we worked things out last night.
i like it when you talk to me all sweet and all(:

wow. we gotta do something about how long we talk mann.
i mean, its getting later and later and later. 6am?
i gott school.=/
nevermind, in about a week plus i'd be having hols.
then i can talk to you however late i wish.

i woke up this morning exhausted and hungry.
and thought happy thoughts cause we good for now.
i havent eaten for about a day plus.
adding today makes it two days.
christmas is coming....
what do i get you? hmmm.
off to school soon.

i havent seen girlfriend in a while.


oh and btw, i do get jealous hor.
now i wished i knew how to dance=/




mann im fucking random((:



im seconds away. 10:45:00 AM




hey,

i typed thatt post knowing fully well you'd read it.
and seriously. i dont need a time out.
gosh how did i manage to skip the honeymoon period
and jump right into the messy part.
i told you before thatt beinging in a relationship
means we've gotta learn about each other.
whatt you dont like or like.
likewise for me.

i have doubts, as well as many fears.
but dont think even for a second.
that those doubts involve being together with you.
cause you've made me happier
then i've been in a very long while.
give me sometime.
i dont understand how to read you yet.
but i want to learn.
and im sorry i made you upset
with my previous post.

that wasnt the intention at all.

i love my girlfriend.

i just told basically everyone who reads my blogg.
and i just appolgised too. and told you and everyone how i felt.
believe me(:


p/s: oh and if anyone's wondering.,
her name is xinni(:

call me.



im seconds away. 12:24:00 AM


Thursday, November 30, 2006

29th november((:


i dont like the thoughts that are running through my head.
but im forcing them back and trying to let rational override them.
i came into this with my doubts, but there's no backing out now.
but i cant help but have doubts and worries flooding my head.
let me be right.


trust is vital.
without it we have nothing.
i trust you(:



im seconds away. 2:26:00 PM


Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Sexy Back



wow. its amazing how i havent
been blogging for oh-so-long.

yeahh, from the time of my last post,
manny things have happened.
and yes, they've happened veryvery fast.
i think, i've kinda fallen for someone.
and i hope its not too thickskin of me
to assume that she has too.

but for the most part, i find myself
more then alittle confused by her mixed signals.
we've talked about it and came to a conclusion.
a decision.
or she says she has.
but actually i dont think you
really understand whatt it means to make
a decision. and im not gonna put in so much
anymore. cause i find im doing all the work.
shes so different in the day and night.
like at night alone and on the phone
shes uber sweet but then in the day..
she's like cold. and i dont think i've reached
thatt stage of liking you to stick around
and get lost in your blowing hott and cold.
your almost like black and white.
i never know whatt ure thinking.
and it makes me wonder whatt you really want.
somehow i think even you dont know.
and yet you want me to commit to you.
girl, dont play me.
im capable of walking out this door.
cant help but wonder if im wasting my time.
hmmm.

//dont make me wait too long.
you might wake up tomorrow and find me gone.





should i get a live journal?



im seconds away. 6:35:00 PM


Monday, November 20, 2006

christmas is coming it seems..
everyone's getting hyped up about it..
(yes caryn..i know you are..)
but i dont get what all the fuss is about.
i mean, whats the big deal anyhows?
i notice i say the same thing every year..
but i cant help it when everyone's
talking about it..

i dont really know why i dont like it..
there's no logical reasoning to it i guess.
i just dont.

christmas has never really brought me much joy.
maybe that's just it.
im sore. HAH!

but think about it, while we're stuck happily
in our own little happy bubble..recieving things.
there are many out there who dont even have a
place to sleep, no happy endings for them..
survival in itself is a chore..never knowing
if they'll live through to see tomorrow.
dont get me wrong, i loovvee getting things.
its just a thought.

but seriously though,
whats so great about christmas?????

ohwells. i've school tomorrow morning.
but like first lesson at 9am is cancelled..
so we only start at 10am tomorrow((:
but then there's work at the end of the day..
sighs. schooling stinks.
projects. work.
im in over my head..
i go to school everyday and absorb barely half.
how to make it you tell me?
i wanna study abroad though..
hahaha. i contridict myself waaayyy too much.

hmmms. maybe pubbing with ppl i hardly know
this coming tuesday..
i dunno why ppl see it as flirting
or being despo..
i mean whats so flirt/despo about it?
im single. and making friends.
whats the big deal mann.
though im not really interested.
but my friend wanna go..
so i think i'll accompany her la.

mitch was uber grumpy throughout today.

goodbye. goodnight.



im seconds away. 12:56:00 AM


Sunday, November 19, 2006

run away train

song for the night/morning:
runaway train
soul asylum.

lyrics:-

Call you up in the middle of the night
Like a firefly without a light
You were there like a slow torch burning
I was a key that could use a little turning

So tired that I couldn't even sleep
So many secrets I couldn't keep
Promised myself I wouldn't weep
One more promise I couldn't keep

It seems no one can help me now
I'm in too deep
There's no way out
This time I have really led myself astray

CHORUS:
Runaway train never going back
Wrong way on a one way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I'm neither here nor there

Can you help me remember how to smile
Make it somehow all seem worthwhile
How on earth did I get so jaded
Life's mystery seems so faded

I can go where no one else can go
I know what no one else knows
Here I am just drownin' in the rain
With a ticket for a runaway train

Everything is cut and dry
Day and night, earth and sky
Somehow I just don't believe it

CHORUS

Bought a ticket for a runaway train
Like a madman laughin' at the rain
Little out of touch, little insane
Just easier than dealing with the pain

Runaway train never comin' back
Runaway train tearin' up the track
Runaway train burnin' in my veins
Runaway but it always seems the same

***********

okayy so that was the lyrics for that song...
i thinks its nice.

im so freaking tired.
i guess its just one of those days
where nothing's wrong,
but becuase nothing's really wrong;
it somehow makes everything wrong..yeahh
im sure ppl will nod their heads at this one.
just like one of those...

"same old nagging pain at
the back of the head..
it comes and goes,
and when it'll return nobody knows.."

but it always happens when you least expect it...
a mumbled word..
a simple gasture...
a random look..
a insignificant thought..
and when it hits,
just like snipers in the army..
its slogan is "one shot, one kill"
it aims to kill you..
and everytime...
it almost does.

im weird always having these thoughts.
im too emoish. HAH! =D!

im gonna sleep now.

i bought my bro two ties ytd.
their damn nice.
his getting comfirmed tml(:
(that was so random! (= )

and at the end of the day i find.
family are the only ones who'll be there throught out your lifetime.




quote for the day:

"i've found a paradox where by if i love until it hurts.
then there's no more hurt, but only more love.."
-mother theresa((:

p/s:hang in there buddy, you'll make it through.
i know how you must be feel and hows its eating at you. i wont say that time heals all wounds, but it helps numb the pain until your so used to it you hardly realize its there. but live happy. love like you've never been hurt.(:
okay vonn? =D!





im seconds away. 2:18:00 AM


Friday, November 17, 2006

Goo Goo Dolls-Iris

goo goo dolls - iris.


"and you cant fight the tears that aint coming
or the moments of truth in your life.
when everything feels like the movies..
yeah, you'd bleed just to know your alive.."




so i think my parents subconsiciously hate me.
either that or they no longer see me of much significance.
yes, they love me. but because i cannot..sometimes will not.
conform to what they expect me to be..
thus, im jaded in their eyes..
they dont see my struggles with growing up.
nor my numerous insecurities.
either not knowing or choosing to turn a blind eye to everything.
i fought to be that daughter to themm..
but its tiring..between being me and being what they'd want..
im hanging in the balance.
trapped by my loyality to themm
and being fair to myself and who i am.
who i think. i am.
im so tired.
but i guesss we're all trying..
if the day should ever come we stop trying..
god forbid that they abandon us all.
nontheless the times that they show wramth..
those are enough to over ride all the nonscence..
sorta.
nothing in me is ever gonna be totally right..



"cause on the outside..im trying..
but inside..im dying.."


im gonna go bathe and head for school now!!!
hahah.

i doubt i'll be heading out tonight thenn..
i gotta clean my room its a major mess.
then try that being the key word..
try...to study a little bit..
or catching up is gonna be a terror..
tests next week i heard.
hmmms..wonder how i did on the GD one last week...

"this broken heart.."

omg..im feeling so-damn-random right now!
haha! i wonder if i'll eat dinner?
and i keep hearign sniplets of songs in my head!
so dont mind the lyrics(:
oh! you know...i got abs now!! yaynesss....
BUT six pack is tough..
my beer belly is almost all gone now..
but i still look fat..
i wonder why? maybe i should start jogging again.
yeahh..think i'll do thatt..hmmms.

okayyy!! really gotta go noww..=D!











why cant i ever be happy?



im seconds away. 10:42:00 AM


Thursday, November 16, 2006

i really should be sleeping seeing how i've got school tml.
i was damn damn hyper at work today...haha.
oh and i feel damn bad. broke mahes berkinstock slippers..
joe gave them to her cause he hardly wore themm...and
i broke it...what an ass right?
so i cabbed to bishan and got her a pair of similar ones...
fake though. but she refuses to let me buy her a pair of new ones.

ended work at 10pm today cause i started work at 5pm.
so i headed to chomp chomp and bought my grandma
satay beehoon cause she likes it and i promised her to.
then headed to her house by bus..omg i fell asleep in the bus
and totally nearly missed my stop! okayy actually...
thats impossible cause i stopped at the interchange..
but still..i nearly didnt get off and that wouldve been damn
malu..lols.
yeah so then i went there...chilled awhile..
then headed home.

did i mention that school is retarded.
i do nothing all day.


i learned a new way to blog my thoughts today.
its brillant.



" and my words are silence,
so silent are they that no one shall hear
so silent are they that even i cant hear them
so silent are they that they die before leaving my lips.
never making it far enough to emit sound,
never making it at all.
so they stay silent.
so they hurt
so they pain
so they kill."



im seconds away. 1:06:00 AM


Wednesday, November 15, 2006

JD and Elliot

song for the night:
straightjacket feeling
-all american rejects.
(*note: ignore the video, just listen to the song(: )

just some pics of my fugly eye:


this was taken when it was screwd up..


this was when i covered it up.

and nows its all better...almost brand new!(:

try this on straightjacket feeling.

i just spent my night listlessly again.
i find that i end up turning to drowning myself into tv.(:
i had a c.s.i marathon..tgt with some other shows.((:
one of them being the O.C i freaking love that show..
but it makes me damn sad everytime i watch the show
all the drama that they go through..
then all break ups and heart breaks..
ohwells!

hmmms i got my pay. yayness!
but not that much la..only 500++
i need to go shopping..




"yesterday was hell
but today im fine without you
runaway this time without you
and all i ever thought you'd be
that face is tearing holes in me again.."



im seconds away. 2:16:00 AM


Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Senses Fail - One Eight Seven

song for the night:
one eighty seven
-senses fail

im not feelng so good right now.
and i cant say why, no dont get me wrong..
its not that i dunno why im like that.
i do, but its just so damn tragic that i fear saying.
i've hidden too many things for too long.
it's like i took 10steps forward.
but then got pushed back again.
after all my hard work.

okayy i really havent any words to describe
how shitty im feeling..
oh well, there! "shitty".

okayy im going to stop now.




this is so fuckkkeddd up.



im seconds away. 2:04:00 AM


Saturday, November 11, 2006

there's no song for the night, tonight.
"black" by pearl jam and "run" by snow patrol
keeps playing in my head.
its funny how everytime i always have many things
to blog about..
but the moment i reach this page my mind goes blank.
does this mean i only enjoy myself
at the moment in time but not totally?
so shortlived joy..

anyhows i met up with lynn today..
hah. its always nice to meet up.(:
and my eye is swollen.
damn pain..
i think its one of those err...
"sye" (sp?) or however you spell it..
either that or i like ate smt wrong..

omg. working full again tml...
then i think i got bev's thingy to go to on sunday.
then mon im suppose to go visit her and ming
they starting work at ben and jerry's at rafflesplace.
then monday night im working again..
wed i think im working and problem is..
i forgot i promised the bballers i'd go out with them!
arghhh!
then..thursday gonna play tennis..
then friday going out with class ppl..VIVOCITY!
then sat fullshift.
yeahh.
hahah what a busy life!!
not forgetting projects.=/

my eye really hurts dunno how im gonna work tml..
better head to bed.

heard this somewhere today..


"when two friends get together, they think their meant for each other..
when a couple decides to be just friends, they want the other party to be by their side forever.."

something to ponder upon..
i say there's some truth in it..

goodbye, goodnight.



im seconds away. 1:50:00 AM










MAKE

 

DAMN
SURE.